Whenever Tiffany Haddish opens her mouth, you can almost guarantee there's going to be a few secrets that fall out of it. This time, while speaking to GQ, she also spit some knowledge that, anyone who grew up with an old Southern grandma, has probably heard before. A teaspoon of turpentine is, probably, good for you!
I've heard the "old wives tale" and home remedy about turpentine for decades, and I've probably had some in my lifetime. My mother was notorious for calling the old mothers of the church and getting remedies from them when she couldn't take us to the Emergency room. Got worms? Turpentine. Got a cold? Castor Oil! Diarrhea? Flour-water. The list goes on and one. I thought that this was something only done in Ohio and you can imagine my surprise when I read that Tiffany Haddish was hit to turpentine too!
“A teaspoon of turpentine will not kill you,” says Haddish with the breezy confidence of an unlicensed doctor. “The government doesn't want you to know that if you have a cold, just take some turpentine with some sugar or castor oil or honey and it'll go away the next day.”
“Honey,” begins Haddish, “back during slavery—let me teach you something, okay?”
Per Haddish, in the absence of 19th-century medical care, slaves drank turpentine—an oil distilled from pine resin, today commonly used as a paint thinner—as a cure-all for various ailments. When I note that slaves were not known for their excellent health, Haddish flips my argument into evidence: That's because not all the slaves had access to turpentine.
When told that turpentine was poisonous, with no health benefits, and could potentially be deadly, Haddish replied "The government wrote it" and completely dismissed the evidence. Now, we all now the government doesn't condone alternative medical practices so. . . yeah, take it with a grain of salt!
A few weeks back, Haddish had been guilty of spilling the beans about ultra-private Beyonce' and an incident that happened at a party they both attended. After the fact, Haddish got a little mum about the details but did spill this tea!
“There was this actress there,” continues Haddish, keeping her voice low, “that's just, like, doing the mostest.” One of the most things she did? “She bit Beyoncé in the face.”
“So Beyoncé stormed away,” Haddish says, “went up to Jay-Z, and was like, ‘Jay! Come here! This bitch—’ and snatched him. They went to the back of the room. I was like, ‘What just happened?’ And Beyoncé's friend walked up and was like, ‘Can you believe this bitch just bit Beyoncé?’ ”
“And so then…,” she continues, “a lot of things happened.”
According to Haddish, she and the actress continued to cross paths throughout the night, culminating in a brief standoff. The actress, at one point, told Haddish to stop dancing, which—good luck making that happen.
“And then Beyoncé and Jay-Z walked by me, and I tapped Beyoncé.”
Haddish says she told Beyoncé, “I'm going to beat somebody ass at your party. I just want to let you know that.” Beyoncé asked her not to—told her to “have fun” instead. (Haddish leveraged this moment into a selfie with Beyoncé.)
“Near the end of the party,” says Haddish, describing her final run-in with Mrs. Carter sometime later, “Beyoncé's at the bar, so I said to Beyoncé, ‘Did she really bite you?’ She was like, ‘Yeah.’ I was like, ‘She gonna get her ass beat tonight.’ She was like, ‘Tiffany, no. Don't do that. That bitch is on drugs. She not even drunk. The bitch is on drugs. She not like that all the time. Just chill.’ ”
Lawd Tiffany, thanks for the hilarious tea girl! I wonder if she's going to be banned from kicking it with B since she likes to chill and tell?